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Something that's been on my mind is my grandfather. Since coming home from the hospital (and practically bringing the hospital back with him), he was doing pretty well, but recently all the tests and everything has shown that he's really going downhill again.
Which only brings one question to my mind- why is he so stubborn to go back to the hospital where he KNOWS that he can get better? He's a doctor, he should know that the hospital will take care of him. And it's not like we're not gonna be there- we were visiting him every day a few times a day.
I asked my mom and I can't say the answer was unexpected. Somewhere deep, deep, deep down inside of me I knew it. "He wants to die in his own house," she said. I kept asking her why he wouldn't want to go to hospital to get better so he wouldn't HAVE to die in the first place, but then she said something that this time, I didn't even think of before.
"He has no more reason to live," she said, voice emotionless, "He's already 87 years old, Bernadette. What more is there to the quality of his life?"
This totally shattered my heart. I know it sounds really dramatic, but it makes me wanna cry. No more reason to live? No more to the quality of life?
Is it just me, or does this sound way too familiar. We as teenagers think that our life has hit rock bottom, that WE have no more reason to live and that WE deserve to just die here and now. The thing is, anyonethatcarestoreadmyblog, we have all the reason in the WORLD to live.
Old people forget easily. That's the most pathetic but sole excuse I can think of - I think my grandfather forgot about all of us and all the love we have for him. To hear a loved one say that he has 'no more reason to live' really kills me.
Live because the sun will shine tomorrow, live cos everyone around you loves you, LIVE COS YOUR LIFE IS WORTH IT.
Then again, after thinking all this through, am I just being selfish in thinking this? If I was suffering terribly and knew that it was all gonna end soon, would I wish for it to end now?
It's so confusing and I should be doing my Mockingbird Slavery&Freedom project now, but it keeps ringing over and over and over in my head.
It really makes me wonder- what's life if there's nothing to live for? What's time if we know it's gonna run out? Does it mean that we wait for it to run out, though we know that it'll hurt, or wish for it to end now?
Thoughts please, my brain is in a mess.
xx
Bern
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| | Posted 1/18/2010 10:39 PM - 45 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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